Read Behind the Veil Here
Read He Loves Me… Does He? Here
‘You want to beat me abi? Oya beat me. Tosin beat me o’, Ronke shouted at me.
I was shocked. Why would Ronke be making a scene like this? We were at an eatery for Christ’s sake!
‘Ronke calm down! What is your problem? I thought we were having a decent conversation here?’ I said calmly.
‘Decent conversation, and you are threatening to beat me right?’ Ronke said as she rolled her eyes at me.
‘My God! Ronke when did I threaten to beat you? Why are you so hyper?’ I asked angrily.
‘Oh, I am now a mad person abi? Oya, take microphone and tell the whole world that your fiancée ti ya were!’ (has gone mad)
I was frustrated. Ronke was fond of blowing things out of proportion whenever we had a misunderstanding. Worse still, she was ready to act out her drama, whether in private or in public.
Just the other day, we had a disagreement inside the banking hall and she started screaming at me. The security guard had to throw the both of us out of the bank. She sobered up on our drive back to her house and started apologizing. I was too angry with her to even listen to what she was saying. Now, she has started again.
I stood up. ‘Let’s go’.
‘Go where? I am not going anywhere until we settle this matter o’, she said as she leaned back into the seat and crossed her legs.
‘Okay, suit yourself’, I said as I stormed out of the eatery.
I got into the car and gripped the steering wheel tightly. Ronke was driving me crazy. We had been engaged for about fourteen months and our wedding was in the next six months. I proposed to her because I was convinced that she was God’s will for me and I loved her so much. Our Pastor and the entire marriage committee had also given us a go ahead.
At the start of our courtship, Ronke was a sweet, lovely and exciting lady. I was so glad I didn’t miss her. However, as the months progressed, she started exhibiting worrisome character traits.
First of all, I noticed she was quite quarrelsome. She never conceded in an argument, so we would quarrel over an issue until I gave in. I also noticed that she didn’t care whether we were alone or in the midst of people whenever she wanted to pick on an argument, just like today. As long as she disagreed with me or my opinion, she would bring it open, even if we were in the midst of family or strangers. This particular attitude had hurt me a lot of times. Even though she always apologized and promised to change, there was no improvement.
Furthermore, Ronke was very extravagant. She spent money without thinking. As long as she loved what she was getting and she had the money in her account, she didn’t mind paying for it. Many times, she ended up buying stuff she didn’t really need.
This behaviour had brought issues between us so many times as I was a strong proponent of the “save for the rainy day” belief. She felt I was too stingy with money and it pained me whenever she mentioned it. She even said it openly before her family during one of my visits and I felt very bad. When all my ‘talkings’ failed to do any good, I resorted to prayers.
All these and many more were beginning to raise doubts in my heart about marrying Ronke. I loved her and I believed she was God’s will for me, but I was no longer sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a woman who disregards me, never listens to corrections, embarrasses me in private and in public and believes that she is always right, no matter the circumstance.
The car door opened, disrupting my thoughts.
‘You are very annoying’, she muttered as she entered. ‘Let’s go jare’.
I started the car engine, resolving to visit Pastor Segun for counselling.
There are many signs singles tend to ignore during courtship, believing that love is all that matters. Others reason that God led them into the relationship and so they put up with a lot of unhealthy and dangerous character traits from their partner, all in the name of doing God’s will. Worse still, others continue that relationship with the mindset of “I will change him/ her when we get married”. Well done o, Assistant Holy Spirit, Secretary General to the King of Kings who holds the heart of every man in his palm.
While I believe in love as well as in doing God’s will, I don’t subscribe to anyone ignoring warning signs that come up in the course of a relationship. There are some red flags which pop up while relating with the person you love, and until you thrash it out prayerfully and carefully, it will not be advisable to start making marriage plans.
He beats you in courtship until your eyes are as big as a football and you are still clinging to “I heard God clearly”?
She does not listen to you nor respect you before her family and the public at large and you are still believing that marriage will change her?
He dishonours you by flirting and jumping around with other ladies and you are still saying “las las, it is me that he truly loves’?
Her lies are powerful enough to raise the dead and you still think that marriage will automatically make her a “truthsayer”?
Listen, marriage does not change a man/woman. It only amplifies all that you saw in him/her during courtship. So, if there’s something you are not comfortable with in the relationship, start now to tackle it. Talk it through. Pray it through. Think it through. Don’t enter marriage on assumptions or in foolishness.
Let me stop here for now. May the Lord give us understanding!
You can also read “Is Love Really Enough” by Ife Grace Dada here