Read Dear Single Lady here
David was the first brother I met as soon as I got to the Christian Corpers’ family house after my three weeks orientation exercise in Oyo state. I didn’t have plans to stay in the family house anyway. I just needed a place to stay shortly, while I sort out my personal accommodation. David and I became friends instantly, as he was very jovial and playful. I later got to find out that he was the coordinator of the Publicity unit.
David was able to convince me to stay in the family house and because I had already made a few friends, I obliged. I joined the publicity unit and the drama unit; that way, I able to see David almost every day.
As time went on, I realized I was greatly attracted to David and I think he felt the same way too. In the morning, we would leave for our place of primary assignment together (we both served in the State Ministry), come back together with the staff bus, eat together (whenever he was not in a meeting) and then gist together until it was lights out.
Truly, David had all I wanted in a husband. He was born again, powerfully anointed, handsome, jovial, playful, industrious, kai! Everyone in the family house noticed our closeness and soon, they started referring to us as Mr. and Mrs. We would both laugh it off, but deep in my heart, I wished it would happen.
One night while discussing, David took my hand in his, looked into my eyes and said “Chi, you have been such an awesome friend. I care deeply about you and I don’t take you for granted”. My heart somersaulted. I could see raw love in his eyes. I smiled shyly.
Sleep disappeared from my eyes that night. I took my phone and started to check for online bridal stores. The earlier, the better, abi? In my mind, I felt he was just waiting to handover before he proposes to me (in the corpers’ fellowship, if you are single before you are appointed as a leader, you remain single until your tenure is over).
We grew closer and discussed matters of the heart together. Even though he didn’t expressly say he loved me, I just knew he was being careful so as not to break the fellowship rules.
I was the most excited during the handover service. What is mine will finally come to me, I thought happily. We took a lot of pictures together and I stored them for future purposes. I will show them to our children, I giggled to myself.
One month after his handover, David was yet to make any move. I became concerned. I tried to bring up the topic of marriage in every of our discussions but he stylishly avoided the bait. We were still very close, but I wanted him to hurry up and put the ring on my finger.
One Saturday evening, I was sitting in the lounge, watching television when he approached me excitedly.
‘My friend wants to speak with you’, he said as he gave me his phone.
‘Hello’, I said.
‘Hello Chima’. It was a high-pitched female voice. We exchanged pleasantries and I handed the phone back to David, with a questioning look on my face.
After he finished with the call, he sat beside me.
‘Who was that?’ I asked.
‘That was Sarah, my fiancée’
My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. I was speechless.
‘Sorry, I planned to tell you but it just kept escaping my mind’.
‘Tell me what?’ I asked.
‘Sarah said yes to me last week, after seven months of waiting. I proposed to her the day before I left Lagos to come to Ibadan for service. She told me she would pray about it, but she didn’t give me an answer until last week’.
My head was reeling. How can my David be engaged?
‘Do you love her?’ I asked tearfully.
‘Very much’, he said with so much passion. I am so glad she said yes to me. I told her a lot about you, so she said she wanted to speak with you’.
A tear dropped from my eye. ‘Chi what is the matter?’ He asked, alarmed. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘I’m having a headache’, I said as I got up. ‘Congratulations’. I walked dejectedly to my room and cried my eyes out. How could David do this to me? I thought we were in love? How come he never mentioned Sarah until now?
That night, he chatted me up on WhatsApp.
‘Chi, are you fine now?’
‘You are wicked’, I replied.
‘Wicked? I don’t understand you’.
‘If you knew you loved someone else, why did you lead me on?’
‘Lead you on? I’m confused’.
‘All the times we spent together, the heart to heart talks we had, the extravagant attention and care you lavished on me, what was all that? You even told me you cared deeply about me. Why did you deceive me?’
He didn’t respond for some minutes.
‘Chima, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry if you think I led you on. I was just being myself with you, nothing else. Yes, I admit I was attracted to you initially, but it ended there. What I felt for you was friendship and care, not love. Sarah is the one I love’.
The tears poured down my face. How did I miss it? How did I blindly assume that David loved me? I turned off my data connection and threw my phone on the floor. The heart ache I felt was excruciating. The irony of life. I was in love with someone who was in love with someone else. I sighed painfully.
The greatest mistake you can make is to assume that a guy loves you. Until he says so in plain and direct language, never assume that he loves you. No matter how much care, love, gifts, compliments and emotions he lavishes on you, never fall into the mistake of assuming that he loves you. If he hasn’t said it, then don’t build your dreams and hopes on it.
If you feel he is hovering over you like a canopy, ask him simply: what do you want from me? What am I to you? What are we? Asking him these questions doesn’t make you cheap or lose; it only shows that you are not willing to walk in error and false assurances.
Please stop showing unnecessary or unwarranted care and attention to a lady. A woman’s heart is very fragile, so don’t toy with it. Sometimes, she hears what you don’t say and interprets your gestures in whatever way her heart chooses to. Therefore, don’t get unduly close to a lady if you don’t have anything in mind for her, except you have both discussed it and you are both certain that a relationship or marriage is not on the table. If this is not the case, please don’t hesitate to speak out. The worst that can happen is to get a No for an answer. Pick up courage and do what you have to do.
Above all, let the Holy Spirit guide you. Remember, as many that are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
God bless you!