Click here to read Episode 1
I was restless all through that evening, after the frightening revelation Jael shared with me. Ezra was the brother we were all considering appointing as the State President. He had all the qualities needed to lead the fellowship. He was deeply rooted in the word and in prayer, he got along with everyone, he was very disciplined and hardworking. He was also very humble and easy going. In fact, he was flawless.
In my seven months as the Prayer secretary, one thing I have learnt is never to despise revelations from God, no matter how insignificant it seemed. It didn’t also matter the vessel God uses to bring about such revelations. If he could use a donkey to restrain a man from destroying himself in the Bible, then he can use any man to fulfill his divine counsel.
At night, I went to Papa’s room and shared Jael’s revelation with him. It sounded unbelievable to him too, but he advised me to have a heart to heart talk with Ezra, since he was a member of the prayer unit.
As I lay down to rest that night, I felt a strong burden for Ezra surge through me. I jumped up and began to pray for him in tongues. The more I prayed, the more the burden filled my heart until I felt like I was gasping for air. After what seemed like eternity, I felt a great relief and I knew something had happened in the spiritual realm.
The next day, I didn’t wait for fellowship time. I targeted the period during which the corp members were on break and began to dress up. Just as I picked up a comb to comb my hair, my phone rang. I looked at the screen. It was Ezra. Talk about the angel.
‘Hello Ezra, good afternoon’
‘Prayo please can I see you now?’ He had a note of urgency in his voice and he sounded like he had been crying.
‘Okay. I’m coming out now. Hope you’re fine?’He didn’t respond. He only sniffed and ended the call.
Quickly, I left the lodge and hurried down to the orientation ground.Ezra was already waiting for me in the hall. Immediately he saw me, he rushed to me and fell at my feet, crying. I bent down, pulled him up, looked into his eyes and whispered ‘let’s talk’.
As I walked with Prayo to a nearby seat, my heart was very heavy. I couldn’t sleep all through last night. I had done it again, and I felt like killing myself. Why can’t I be free, why?
I have fasted and prayed, I have sought counseling, I have read books and listened to messages, I have even visited a prominent man of God at some point yet, whatever respite or deliverance I got was short lived. I always found myself back at point zero. I was at my wit’s end. I felt within me that the State Executives planned to appoint me as the next State President. How would I lead thousands of corp members when my life was so filthy and offensive?
As we sat down, Prayo patted my shoulder.
‘Ezra, whatever it is, I want you to know that there is nothing too big for God to solve. Please wipe your tears and talk to me’.
I nodded my head.
‘Prayo’, I began. ‘I love God. I have walked with God for about five years now and I am totally sold out to Him. It is my daily desire and cry to do only that which pleases God. However, I’ve been failing so much’.
‘How do you mean?’ Prayo asked.
I took a deep sigh.
‘You are the second person I will be opening up to about this. When I was 10 years old, my mum took me to her sister’s house to spend the long vacation. Her sister has three children- a boy and two girls. They also had a maid who took care of the house. My aunty and her husband were never around, so we were left to ourselves most times. That was where I saw pornography for the first time’.
Prayo’s eyes widened.
‘Yes’. I continued. ‘Brother Jerry, my aunt’s son and his friends watched pornographic films regularly in the sitting room and I joined them to feed my eyes. At night, long after everyone had gone to bed, I found myself replaying in my head all I had watched.
Not long after, I caught Brother Jerry having sex with the maid in his room. At that time, I didn’t know the gravity of what they were doing, but it awakened something in me. Even after the holidays were over and I had returned to my house, I still found myself thinking about what I had watched and then, I started masturbating’.
‘Really?’ Prayo asked.
I smiled. ‘It’s surprising right? Well, I continued in this act for a while and by the time I got into senior secondary school, my mother bought me a phone against my father’s wishes. Prayo, that phone became my undoing’.
‘I would spend my time feeding my eyes on naked ladies and watching obscene films on my phone. My mum complained that I spent too much time on my phone, but she never bothered to check what I did with the phone.
It didn’t take long before I started having sex too. There were many of my female friends who practically threw themselves at me so getting a lady was very easy. The spirit of lust was so strong in me that I couldn’t look at a lady innocently. I undressed all my female classmates in my heart.
Prayo adjusted in his seat.
I continued. ‘At 17 years, I had fondled and slept with quite a number of girls. I masturbated almost on a daily basis. I was drowning but I didn’t know how to help myself’.
‘By the mercies of God, I got born again in my second year at the university. It was a glorious experience and I thank God that he didn’t allow me die in my iniquity. I thought that surrendering my life to Christ would put an automatic stop to all my addictions but it didn’t happen. In fact, two days after I became born again, I masturbated. I felt so terrible, and I almost backslid. I couldn’t confide in anybody because I thought they would start seeing me in another light. Prayo, I struggled with this for one year’.
‘Go on, what happened next?’
‘In my third year, I came in contact with a powerful man of God and after he laid hands on me, I encountered deliverance. However, it didn’t last long. A few weeks later, I was back to my rising and falling’.
‘Prayo, do you know that I have done 21 days fasting just to break this addiction?’
‘Hmmmmmm’, he said under his breath.
‘I have done 3 days dry fasting and the day I broke the fast, I masturbated’.
‘Kai!’ he exclaimed.
‘Do you know that I watched pornography the day before I was appointed as the Fellowship General Secretary in my school? Even when I was appointed as the Fellowship Regional President, I was still struggling with lust. I have done all kinds of marathon and chain prayers to break free. I have listened to countless messages and I have read books but I still find myself struggling’.
‘I don’t know what else to do. I want to be free. I want to be delivered’, I said as tears streamed down my face.
Prayo took my hands in his.
‘It’s alright Ezra. I’m so glad you opened up to me. You see, sin thrives in secrecy. Opening up is the first step to receiving permanent deliverance. No matter how much you want to be free, if you keep quiet about it, help won’t come’.
‘Ezra’, he continued. ‘Will you believe it if I tell you I was once in your shoes?’
‘What?’ I exclaimed.
Thanks for reading. Episode 3 comes up next!